Thank you for writing such an honest post about your feelings! It's very brave of you & I'm glad you did it.
I do not have a special needs child.
I have an 11yo that is being treated for anger issues. A 7 yo with 3 learning disabilities & then my 5yo who has yet to receive any "labels." Ugh.

I have my own MH issues which makes parenting very difficult. All I can say is I do the best I can for that day. I always have high hopes & then they get crushed. I'm hoping when their much older, 20's/30's, that hopefully they come back & say thanks to me.
Motherhood is really a thankless job. So take a few minutes for yourself & tell yourself you're doing the best you can. Spoil yourself with something for 15-30min. Even if it's just staying in the shower longer & relaxing. You deserve a break & keep telling yourself that you're doing the best you can. Bec under the circumstances you really are!!!