I saw my p-doc today because we had a follow up visit scheduled since Lamictal is the new addition to my meds right now. I told her too much I think.

There was no time to give her the real history of this dysfunctional mess I am in. She is probably wondering now too what I am doing to cause all of this. Why can't I just shut up! I really need to talk to my T. He always knows what to say and do. Wednesday is so far away.

Since last session, when my mom came with me, I have been a complete mess. There are so many up and down moments that I am having a full blown anxiety attack.

I have no idea who to trust. For the past three months, and one at a time, my brother, mom and dad will have come to see us.

My dad is scheduled for Sept 21-23rd. Two have been to therapy with me and it hasn't been good for me either time. Luckily, I won't be taking my dad with me to therapy. I would never even ask him. He is so irrational.

I am panicking because all three of my family have admitted that if there is a problem in this marriage, it is me and they side with my husband.

My husband has admitted fueling the fire. I feel so trapped right now it is scary. I stay up late so that I don't have to sleep in bed with him long. I am so tired.

I'm not perfect, I've made some minor mistakes but nothing that should cause this kind of reaction. It's the reaction my family has had toward me since almost the day I was born.

I'm lost in confusion right now. Do I stay? go? If I stay how do I survive?

My son is all that matters to me. I may be a bit over-scheduled with work, studying and such but he is my first priority and always will be.

Oh I better go and pick him up. I feel like my husband is keeping score or something...or is that more of my paranoia?

Sorry this post is a mess.