Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
What makes you think they are the same as each other and you are different?
So, it sounds like your thinking stems from an insecure lack of confidence. Everyone who comments on your posts tells you what an intelligent, good writer you are. Why do you doubt yourself?
I would strongly advise you NOT to take an IQ test. Don't give yourself any more ammunition. I consider myself a smart person, and if my test came back with low results, I would start to feel insecure. There's no reason to take one.
Are you in college? Do you have a good career? What have you tried to do?
I would still talk to a therapist about these intrusive thoughts and try to curb them.
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I do feel like an imposter, I suspect I would feel like one even if I succeeded. I don't know why I doubt myself constantly, or just hate myself so much. It's almost addictive.
I've already taken an IQ test. Twice: first time was 106, second one a year later was 101. I did some research about what that's actually supposed to be like.
Now, about smart people online: I see lots of similarities, often end up in congregating groups. I mistook myself for one and ended up there too, and the discrepancies were obvious. Like I said in one of my posts, I am not naturally analytical. I never went through that "everyone is stupid, I'm the only one who knows how things really are" phase. I don't think or question naturally. I had to absorb the habit from others, starting in my late teens. I've never asked an intelligent question in my life; I've never questioned a teacher, or argued with one. I can only think of a couple of times when I've caught a teacher being wrong, and I said nothing, because it didn't matter. I've never been smarter than a teacher. I've never won anything academic. I've never been accused of plagiarism in my essays because they were too good for someone my age. I rarely think of people as stupid unless they do something really incorrigible. And so many other little stories from the highly intelligent that never applied to me.
Lastly: I dropped out of college a couple years ago, because I was failing all my classes. I lived at home for two years then ran away seven months ago. Those months have been largely periods of unemployment and temporary homelessness (I literally just got a new place today). When I'm not job hunting I'm online,and obsession drags me back to crap like this. I'd love to start just self-teaching stuff....but I expect to fail.
And I don't think parental pressure was ever part of it. I've never been able to discuss these feelings since they were always shot down as fishing for attention, even though less severe versions have bothered me since childhood. I've actually been accused of being arrogant, for some reason.
EDIT: I definitely need to get an online therapist. I feel like I'm doing something wrong by describing so much here.