I am feeling so low right now. My T suggested I go to the hospital but I swore I would never go back there again. There is nothing they can do at the hospital to help me. Maintenance ECT is not working and I can't take the time off of work to do a full course of ECT again right now. I have tried so many different drugs the last 3 years and none of them have worked. Pristiq was the last one to work so we are trying that one again right now as a last shot before we try an MAOI. [trigger] all I want to do is go home and down a couple bottles of pills[\trigger]. But I can't do that to my wife and kids. So then I start wishing for a tractor trailer to crash into me so I can die in an accident. I am meeting tomorrow with a DBT therapist for an intake interview to a DBT group. Hoping that that will help me.

I can't stand being in my own skin right now. The impulses to do something stupid are getting stronger.

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