I just made an appointment for ECT evaluation on Friday. Now I have to decide if it's really worth doing again. It will work, I know that. But it doesn't seem to work for very long. I might have to do maintenance treatments, which is like really? For how long? Until I die? I can't even comprehend that. Why can't I have a normal brain?

I'm so down about this. I just feel like a complete loser. I feel like I must have done something wrong. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe I missed something.



I really don't want to do ECT again. I really don't. I don't even know how I could. No one can take me. My mom said we will figure it out but I just can't imagine.

I need to talk to my nurse. She's not in today.

Sigh...I don't want to do this.