[quote=WindTherapy;4900837]It really helps to hear someone with an almost identical story to mine. Wow, thanks Hashi/bipolar mom. I get a ton of anxiety every time I even think about my marriage.

I partied pretty hard when my wife and I first got together but I have spent the past 7ish years building an amazing career in tech (and staying sober other than the previously mentioned one nighters). All with the goal of settling my family down on a farm somewhere. My entire focus has been on building something for my family. I have spent the majority of this time in a high stress environment. It pains me to no end to think that I may have gotten this diagnosis and started getting help too late. She seems to be one foot out the door. Hopefully I'll be able to get her in to couples counseling.

Oh, I so get it! You do need to have your own support network, but the marriage part takes both of you. I would start with yourself first and let her know you are actually making an effort (she sees you going to a pdoc and a therapist). I would continue taking your meds but also be willing to try new meds if the need arises. Benzos can definitely have a rebound affect and lower you inhibitions especially when manic. I have a very small prescription and my husband has the bottle and puts them in a weekly pill container and looks at it each night to make sure I haven't abused it. Ask her to give you 6-12 month to really work on yourself and if she is impressed that you are helping yourself, that she will agree to couples counseling. I wish you luck!