My presentation today went very well. I had a rough struggle in the morning but kept myself busy to prepare for the meeting. Unfortunately this was to keep me isolated from my coworkers but today this is what I needed.

The presentation went well and lifted me and kept me feeling OK until it was time to go home.

I was able to explain to my manager that I needed to hang my coat in his office... usually I keep it on the back of my chair but today I didn't want my area to look sloppy with guests coming. We have a coat rack that used to be in the middle of the room but it has migrated to the far end of the room. I eplained to my manager that if I put my coat there, at the end of the day I may be experiencing where I can't bear to make eye contact with anyone else, and if my coat is on the other side of the room I won't be able to retrieve it to go home.

He got it... or rather he appreciated how frustrating this is to know that it is all a perception that I can't shake and not really be able to understand it. We never talked about my locking myself in the bathroom at the end of the day last week.

I do well in front of clients. And tomorrow I am going out with the boss to a client to demo some our our technology for them. These are usually good days for me.

I suggested we bring someone new from the front office along to see the demo and therefore be introduced to one of our services in the context of a client demo.

Boss thought it was a great idea but decided at the end of the day instead to ask another coworker from my department to come along. Yep the guy who triggers me who I have been trying to find a balance to avoid and keep my cool around and work with him.

To make matters worse, the boss is going to the client straight from another meeting, so he wants me to drive and meet him there separately on my own. With the guy who triggers me.

I really think I'll be OK. This is a nice guy, it's not like he's an office asshole that I can't stand to be around, it's the opposite. If he was an *** I'd ask the boss for another alternative. In this situation I feel I can't and I shouldn't.

Hoping maybe the trip simply goes well. I know the demo will be OK. On the way home from work I thought that crashing my car into a pole would be a good way to get out of it... Not seriously, merely in the "ideation" category... I wasn't thinking of doing it just, well, ideation.

So a lot of movement in both directions... No progress toward a doctor today as my meeting was most of the day long. Tomorrow will be hectic too but hoping to resume calls on Friday.