I'd like to know more about this "depression as vitality" thing. Seems counterintuitive.

EDIT: I was scrolling through some stuff and I found some examples for how I use identification with certain traits to determine that I'm not intelligent. It largely consists of how conventional and non-analytical I am, naturally (I mentioned I've been learning it...but all the things gifted people figure out on their own I've had to be told, and in some cases I don't fully believe). Without guidance or the presence of people who do, I would never question anything, ever. If that doesn't prove how intelligent I'm not, I'm not sure what else does.[/QUOTE]

I've been spending a lot of time learning about my depression. The best book I've came across on depression is definitley Andrew Solomon's book called The Noonday Demon. I highly encourage you check out his TED talk on youtube. Youtube search Andrew Solomon Depression the secret we share.

"The opposite of depression isn't happiness, it's vitality"

I see my depression as my opportunity for self-transformation. It's a spiritual portal the opens the flood gates for me to experience God which is beyond my rational thought. My suffering was the initiation process to my higher self. In a weird way, my depression saved me.

I spend a lot of time in meditation to help with my depression. What I've learned is that in my meditation session, when I get distracted, my distractions are blessings in disguise for they help with my awareness. I have really bad ADHD but instead of seeing that there is something wrong with me, I see how I can use my hyperfocus to my advantage.

The ego is the part of you that craves intelligence. I like the acryonym of ego as Edge God Out. At the same time, why kill the ego and kill your own sanity? I think ego needs not to be killed, but to be transcended or integrated. It's the ego that puts our identity in identification. It's based off of external pillars.

I feel like you are very intelligent, but you don't realize it. Sounds like you are searching for a creative outlet. I always asked myself, If I am who I say I am, then why have the guilty conscience of trying to prove to myself?

Check out the book Animals in translation. Talks about how gifted people have creative intelligence that can't be seen with the human eye.

How do you define intelligence?