(((almedafan)))

You have a lot on your plate right now and are very stressed out. The strain of a marriage that you have grown to doubt is huge. I have been there with the going to bed late so we don't have to sleep together (much) behavior. I think you need time to sort things out, and your marriage and son are more of a priority than longstanding dysfunctional relations with your birth family. Things haven't been working with them for a long time; it can wait to try to fix things with them, if that is what you want.

I would recommend getting some stuff off of your plate right now, and would nominate the visit from your father. Can you tell him he won't be able to visit in September after all and you will welcome him in the future? Then the stress of his impending visit will be removed. You can work on coping skills with the help of your therapist, at this very difficult time.

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I'm lost in confusion right now. Do I stay? go? If I stay how do I survive?

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You don't need to decide anything right now, unless you feel you or your son are not safe. Just put one foot in front of the other, go to work, take care of your son and chores around the house, and get through it. And go to therapy and ask for T's help in sorting it all out and coping. Your PC friends are here to support you too.

And try to get some sleep! Even if it means sleeping in a different room at home for a while, it might be worth it. Lack of sleep is intimately intertwined with depression for many people. Guard your sleep. Take a nap at lunchtime if you can.

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I feel like my husband is keeping score or something...or is that more of my paranoia?

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There was a time I felt the same way. It is good to be well-established as an important caregiver in your son's eyes, in case there is a custody battle. If you feel yourself getting depressed, don't withdraw from your son.

Hang in there, almedafan. One step at a time. If you need to, please call your T. This is not about your attachment to him, this is about your being able to cope and get through each day, a reason for calling that any T could get behind.

((((hugs))))