Quote:
Originally Posted by bixkf
Why is it so difficult for people to believe that a gay person can actually identify as gay yet at the same time have a healthy/happy relationship with a heterosexual partner?
I've been through a lot recently and I've dealing with serious anxiety issues, mainly focused on my sexuality. You see, I've known I'm gay since I was a teen and just about all of my sexual experiences and desires have been homosexual...well right up to a major disappointment and then I let myself live outside of the typical gay life. That was when I met my current wife of almost two decades...I fell in love with her, her gender was irrelevant.
Although she's known from the beginning of my past and my sexual preferences, I don't think she has truly accepted my sexuality and I've never truly stated outright that "I'm gay". My anxiety has caused memory issues and I feel that if I don't address the causes of the anxiety...well, I'm going to lose myself. So after all these years I've decided to "officially come out" and live more authentically. I don't mean changing how I live, I don't want my relationship to change...but hiding my sexuality, well I've done that for 30 years and enough is enough. And please believe me, I'm under no illusions that my life might/will change by coming out.
The thing that bothers me the most though, is that no matter who've I've talked to...gay/str8, married/single....they all seem to feel that I can't be gay and be in a relationship with a woman. It's like a the binary world of gay and straight, but if you aren't 100% homosexual or 100% heterosexual...you're bisexual. I know I hate labels, but identifying as bisexual doesn't describe me. I just say that I'm gay with a small slice of hetero, that slice being my wife.
I mean, seriously, how do I address my anxiety over being gay? Why can't I try and maintain my relationship as it is? I'm just as gay now as I was two decades ago when I met my wife. I married her as a gay man, I had kids as a gay man. Sure I wasn't publicly identifying as gay...but we both knew that part of me existed. Now I just need to remove that anxiety, and coming out is the only way I can see. Even if I use all my energy to hide it away, it'll always be there causing a pressure I can't take any more. I have to release it, before it takes too great a toll on me.
P.S. Yes I am seeing a therapist for the anxiety.
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Hi Bixkf
As a non-heterosexual myself I can empathise with the disliking of labels. I prefer to look at sexuality as a spectrum with heterosexuality on one end and homosexuality on the other. We are all unique and labels just don't work.
If it's a title for your sexual preference you are looking for, it may be helpful to research the definitions of LGBTIQ. I also should add pansexuality, which I think might interest you. Pansexuals identify as being attracted to anyone of any sexuality and gender identity. Much broader as bisexual it encompasses differing gender identities as well.
At the end of the day remember it's your sexuality and it's you who ultimately needs to be comfortable with it. Announcing to the world that you are gay and previously had an active homosexual lifestyle, but you love your wife, isn't going to magically change anything.
Sounds like you need to work on your own comprehension and comfort level of your sexuality. If you and your wife are comfortable and happy with it, then who cares what everyone else knows/thinks!
Good luck!
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