Quote:
Originally Posted by Angelique67
I also have an unpopular opinion. I think if you come out while you're still married, it's going to cause your wife, even if she doesn't think so now, a lot of embarrassment and pain. People who don't know the two of you well will gossip, and they'll find a million ways to imply, amongst each other and behind your backs (even openly to your wife) how this must be her fault for failing to satisfy you.
Has your wife known completely that you are 99% gay? If she had known you were 100% gay, would she have married you?
I just don't see how coming out will be good for her in the parts of her life that she has to deal with alone.
If you divorce and then come out, at least this allows her to save face as a woman with good self esteem.
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Angelique,
Thank you for the input. I understand your position, it seems to be a very common one, mainly based on an assumption that a couple can't be happy in a non-standard mix-orientation marriage. If it's easier to understand, I'm gay except for her...we married not because I'm X% straight, but because we both loved each other and saw a future. Even if I didn't married her with a tattoo on my behind saying "this guy is gay", she openly and willingly married me knowing my past and my preferences.
The fact that at this point in my life, for health reasons more than anything else, I have to remove the pressure causing the anxiety...and if that means coming out...well then that is what it means. You see even as man, I had to accept that as woman there will be a point in her life that biologically she won't/can't be interested in sex or intimacy...for most women it is a biological certainty. That didn't stop me from marrying her, and it doesn't stop either one of us from loving each other. Why should accepting my sexuality openly mean every other aspect of our lives has to change?
And lastly, I've been hiding part of who I am for 30 years, and 20 of those while married...in most part to protect my wife and family. I've given so much and at least from my perspective...right now I'm not asking much back...I'm looking for love and support to a person who in just about every way is the same person that married my wife and fathered by children years ago.