Uggghhh for the third night in a row I been wakin up at 230am, then it was at 430am n now 230am. They gave me 2 ambiens last night for sleep n anxiety med n I fell asleep ok actually pretty damn fast I was out by 9. I hate dependin on meds so much just to function im obviously ****ed up n broken. Im hopin these guys fix me n put me back together. Cuz I cant live like this forever. I hate my life since my dad molested me at 4 yrs old I didnt even get a chance at a normal life. Watchin das beat mom n strangle her with phone cords it was bad. Then I get date raped at 17 when I was a virgin. I dont trust men at all but want a relationship but im not fully committed cuz I feel all the guys want is sex n nothin more. Anyway just killin time til this ambien kicks in. Tomoro is group at 9 so gotta b up at 8. Not lookin forward to group cuz I prob cry infront of people I dont know. They gonna judge me. Ok hope this puts me to sleep. Ttyl