I wrote T a long email because I realized my mother was the only one who truly cared to hear all the details. I miss her so much but I don't usually acknowledge that. I have a longing to tell someone the details but my T can't replace my mother. No one can. So I feel a longing and a despair. People here may wonder about my not apparently grieving for my H. I'm sad for him but feel a freedom I never had. It is what it is. Just don't want comments about him as I feel guilty about my feelings.