They would be, cash. I lost my father at ten and my husband this year. Both things devastated me. Your kids would not get over it, trust me. I didn't "get over" my father dying for ten years. Just repressed the thoughts. I don't know if I'll ever be "over" my husband's death. It kills me inside knowing that it could have been prevented. For all your husband's faults, it seems like he does love you. He would never forgive himself if you died at your own hand. I'm having trouble forgiving myself for my husband's death and he didn't even do it on purpose. I just so wish he could have felt like he could talk to me and not turned to drugs. Your husband would forever be left wondering what he could have done differently.

Please believe me. Depression tells us lies and says no one would care or they would be better off. But they won't be.

Hugs. I hope we both start feeling better soon.