I started the day so depressed I could barely walk. Made it to group though. I bailed out at 2:15 and went home to sleep. Couldn't sleep. I just keep picturing my husband the night he died, replaying it in my head...looking at the clock...asking the police officer why he was downstairs and not helping my husband...having him tell me he was dead...and screaming. Just screaming. Falling on the ground and screaming. It's horrible so I got up instead and went to go get my so.n so I wouldn't be alone.

Then we had a nice night. I took him out for pizza and frozen yogurt. We go to one of those places that has all the toppings.l you can put on. He loves picking out his toppings. Came home and I felt better. I feel almost ok now. And no intrusive suicidal thoughts today. Which is an improvement. I made plans with my sisters in law for Saturday. I volunteered to cook dinner but I don't know if I'll be up for it. If I'm not we can go out.

I'm just wavering the fact that I feel slightly better. Small steps.