Dear T,

I'm disappointed that you didn't end up with the cancellation tomorrow... But I'm continuously amazed at how much you seem to really get me and my issues and fears. I am so glad you thought it was a good idea to bring something small to sit on the shelf to replace the jar of sand I'm keeping. It was a huge step for me to ask for that and it blew me away when you acknowledged that. I loved that you even made a little joke about what I might bring! It's good to get a small glimpse of your sense of humor. No 4-feet tall teddy bears. ;-) Every time you understand and respond with such kindness and understanding I'm just amazed and almost in disbelief that it will last. That it's going to go away. It's very confusing and scary because it makes me feel that sense of dependence and love that I really didn't want to feel. But it also scares me because I know you're human and my therapist and you'll never really be able to provide what I didn't get as a little girl. But I hope you'll continue to walk with me through the intense grief I'm feeling. I miss you. Especially when you respond to my feelings the way you always do. I'll see you Monday. An hour won't be enough, but it helps to know I'll be seeing you Wednesday too. Thanks for being so different than my last T. It can feel so unbelievable, but I'm starting to believe it's true.

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