Hi everyone,

I've lost my way and am a mess... I don't know what to do. To give you a little background about myself:

I came out of a very bad 7 year relationship that left me devastated and hurt to this day. My fiancee was travelling a lot and was very focused on her work. I became very depressed and had to start life over again after that breakup. During that depression, I was also "told" that I was bipolar. I had to take lithium, but stopped taking it shortly after because I felt like a zombie.

My whole life I've known (and still don't know what it is) something's wrong with me. I feel apathetic towards everything and have zero interests. I don't struggle to wake up every morning or sob uncontrollably. But I show very little emotion towards anything and feel very empty inside. I have no goals or ambitions any more. The things I used to enjoy no longer matter to me. I find ways to kill time or take up new hobbies. I've tried every hobby I can imagine and nothing sticks with me. I generally don't care about anything.

It's been like this for about 6 years now. I have a lot of trouble mustering up energy to do anything. Sometimes I'm very up and sometimes I'm very down. I think I do experience hypomania.

I'm writing here today because I feel so empty inside. I don't have a single friend in the world I can call and the only 2 people I talk to in the world are my parents. After my fiancee and I broke up, I had to move back home after selling our condo. It left me devastated. She was my world, my heart, my soul. I cherished and adored every little bit of her, but even after 7 years, I knew we came from different worlds and we could never be. Every day since then I've thought about her and cried endlessly when I think about her. Actually there are some days where she doesn't come into my mind and those days are ok.

I want to have interests again. I want to be able to leave the house without feeling intensely scared. I want friends again. I want to be able to like things again. I want to know how to be normal again.

I can't even find the energy to call a doctor to get help. I feel really helpless and my parents don't make things any better. They don't understand at all because they're ignorant first generation immigrants. What is wrong with me...