Thank you for your responses. I have also tried individual therapy once before, but it also felt extremely awful and things got blurred a lot and left me desperate and feeling guilty. I am pretty discouraged and struggling to maintain my sanity - I do have problems with trusting my instincts and my perception, and my T knows that. But he expects me to feel and act like someone who doesn't struggle so much. Does that make sense? I can't even put it into words :*(
So far I have talked to a lot of therapists, but I haven't found one who could help me talk about the things that I don't understand myself.
My T seems pushy and demanding to me and I feel like a suspect. This is awful