I agree with you totally. Not a day that goes by that I don't wish to be off meds.
I'm barely coping right now. Staying in the house. Not leaving my ranch.
But I keep having faith that I'll learn enough about meds and have better pdocs and better combos. The side effects kick my butt. No sex drive. No creativity( I used to be a painter and house designer). I don't even want to sit by the pool.