Dear T

Todays session wasn't really a succes. I already felt anger when I arrived at your office. I wasn't sure if I should stay or go back home. We talked about what to do with therapy when you leave. I didn't feel like talking about that, but whatever, I participated. I don't think there would be a different between a T from your angency or a T from somewhere else. So what if you can give a T from your agency info and advice on my therapy, tell that person what we have done and what not. For me either would be starting over. I don't know that person, it doesn't care if you give her a little bit of background. It's starting over for me.

After that issue I got quiet. I didn't really want to talk to you. I felt anger towards you and also some other feelings. I wanted to leave. I didn't want to be with you. I barely looked at you. I can't look at you. I don't want to see *that*. I wanted to walk out, but I was too scared to do that.
All these thoughts went through my mind and I wanted to speak them out, but I couldn't. I was too scared. I also had written something down, but I was also too scared to start about that. I find it hard to express anger towards people, especially if I like them and if I don't want to lose them.

I left a bit angry. I didn't looked at you. I'm not sure if I said goodbye. You said that I could email you if I want to tell you something I couldn't say today. You said that with such a kind voice. This made me feel guilty and like a *****. You've mostly been a good T to me and I feel like I can't act angry (or something else negative) towards you.

But whatever. It won't bother you. Your almost done with work and then you go home to your boyfriend and daugther. You will have a happy weekend and you don't worry about your clients.
And I'm here alone, feeling miserable