Here's what I was just thinking. I mean this in a compassionate and respectful way. I think for some reason you are deeply angry with your wife. Holding in anger/rage can cause extreme anxiety. Plus, when does all this come to a head but right around Valentines Day, when everyone is wishing they had the perfect relationship. I think it's less about coming out, and more about hurting your wife due to this anger you're repressing. And I don't believe you are even consciously aware of it, because anger is such a difficult emotion in a long term relationship where the partners are afraid of the ugliness/hurtfulness of certain emotions and how vulnerable their exposure makes us.

Again, I mean this in a respectful way. Heaven knows I have had my share of repressed anger turning into anxiety.