i want to lose 30 lbs this year. I gained it all in 5 months about 2 years ago. (Had a lot go on those few years before that.) I have 140 total to lose. (69 down so far)

I want to have friends and a long term partner but right now I need to work on my self esteem and find ways of trusting others again. After some issues I had to deal with (above) I lost trust in people and feel really crappy. Also, I feel like I don't deserve much anymore. I want to change that. I just don't care to meet new people anymore. It'll never work.

I need to get a job and my permit but I Don't' have a car and cars are expensive. So it's catch 22 for that.

to be honest, I wish I had it all together. I wish that i knew what i wanted and could go out and do it. I can't do that. After therapy ended abruptly I felt like i couldn't reach my goals. I don't believe in myself and have run through with what i want to change so much that i don't believe in any goals i set. I just don't want to lose weight, meet people and do all that crap. I don't know how to change that. i need to move on. I want to feel accomplished. I get overwhelmed setting goals and the steps it takes to reach it. I don't believe in my ability to reach my goals now. I don't know how to begin doing so though.

I can't afford therapy again, please don't suggest it. Going to counseling before finishing college didn't help either. She just made me do things and I don't feel like I ever got any results from it (no job, etc.) And what if I do reach my goals and don't feel satisfied? That's a fear I have.

I hope you can help me I could sure use it