I have came to the point of not caring about relationships it's not my life achievement it's what others make it to be. I don't care for it, as in I don't care for what people usually go for. I am more selfish, I want someone to be my best friend. I don't even care about screwing someone in bed a lot.

I'm so disconnected angry and tired of people who just **** on me. I don't even think having one later is worth it. I haven't seen anything to convince me otherwise and it makes a big barrier of unusual high expectations others expect to believe I have for them when I didn't say a word. I tell some of these people who are my friends, I can't do it like you do. I'm not like you anymore.

I wish I could change myself, but this is all I can do to keep myself at some level of peace. It's not perfect, but it's easy.

It's rather difficult when I try to even bother with relationships I'm always ignored in my friends of certain groups. I'm always left out and measured up in ways when I don't care or asked to be.

I don't like this pointless battle of musical chairs of finding the "perfect" person.

I honestly find it disgusting. I can't connect on most things, I have my own issues a lot of them, but I'm having a hard enough time with them a lone. I don't like feeling responsible for someone else, I wish someone ideally give me a chance by taking it slow being clear to me on their intentions by their actions not just words.

I never take words seriously. Why? I've been lied to all the time by girls who say I'm so great just to turn around to never come to me again. Honestly I don't care anymore. I push people away who want to come in, I want an honest state your business. I'm not as much fun, I can't breathe because I've been squeezed out of my soul of what I'm wanting to feel over this impression of a reality I'm given if I dwell on wanting a relationship. I will be more alone than ever, because people don't give a flying **** about me.

They'll say they want to be my friend, but they can't even be my friend, because they don't try they are so engulfed by their significant other they have no time to be my friend and shut me out because their life is going for the better. I don't blame them, but it's put me to a point I can't trust anyone ever. Even if I dated someone I wouldn't open up, because it's more ammo for them to make excuses and sick rationalizations of just hurting me later.

You know I'll never tell them promises that I will love them and do something forever because that's silly.
I'm not as out there as most people who are everyone is guilty of this. It's no a crime to feel that way, but it is when you expect me to give all my devotion to you because you feel I should feel this way about you for no basis of reality or understanding you. Like people who do this to me are the most

I mean the most

Arrogant pieces of **** I've ever known. I have no respect for you. You only want to gain control over someone not appreciate someone. I will ignore these types and cuss them out and make them go away and they leave immediately after because I know they are full of it.

I hate when some girls insult my intelligence this way expect me to bow my head and try to fall for them, based on meager superficial similarities.

Guys are a whole another level of ********. You know this idea of prideful perfect dominant men **** is overrated.

Yes it's attractive yes it's what guys do, but when it comes to relationships it's appears a joke to me, because he fights for someone using him and it makes me sick when people do this to others because they don't like them or feel they can't connect. I don't trust someone who does this to people guy or girl ever. I'm surrounded by these types of people.

Inside I'm always angry hateful and just tired more exhausted by putting up barriers to keep the bad people out.

I know when the last of my most supportive people in my life go. I will have no one. It's something I'm preparing for someday now, that I'll never get love the way I would hope for and I will be even more alone than now soon someday.

That now I should rely on myself and never have anyone come near me.

I talked with a friend about this started growing feelings for her, shut it off immediately. I'm very cold about all of this, I will keep my barrier up even if I suspect her talking her feelings about me, because I'm protecting myself from fooling myself she likes me and to do that I must be distant cold and just not like her in any other way be straight and forward keep it stagnant and where it's at until I know otherwise. Usually when something definitely appears they weren't acknowledging me yes I feel like worthless crap, but then again I feel like I don't care about it, because she is always another person like the one before her who is going to blow me off.

Years and years of it, makes me so hateful, I don't believe it will be worth it. The enjoyment and "happiness" that will come from it just will feel stale, cliche, and just uninteresting and overall something not worth desiring period.

I've personally hated being attracted to someone a lot, it feels like a form of weakness to me because if I'm vulnerable I'm easy to be manipulated.

I don't care for marriage kids all that, it's someone else's job to be those things not me.

I only desired a friend who won't leave someone I can see everything to the end. Someone I am at home with nothing else more. I don't care guy or girl.