Hello all! I haven't been here in a while because life has gotten quite hectic.

I have always had a problem with taking things a bit too personally. This has been happening since I was a kid but I think it is because my grandma made a lot of insensitive comments and jokes towards me so I grew up being defensive over everything she said and now it is hard for me to not get defensive over a comment or criticism. I very rarely speak up about my feelings but, when I do, it's because things have reached a boiling point.

My irritation tends to escalate when people flat out ignore me. For example, I had a friend and I noticed when we talk, she flat out ignores things I say and continues talking as if I have not said anything. She does not acknowledge what I say. I have had many friends who do this. I spoke up about it today and she got quite offended. I have another friend who would tell me about her relationship woes with her ex-girlfriend but when I spoke about mine I only got a sentence back. She would send me paragraphs about her ex but could not even give me feedback on my relationship problems. (Yes, most of this tends to happen via text message)

Then, again today, I was talking to a friend and mentioned a time where I was having suicidal thoughts (I do not have suicidal ideation anymore). He told me to elaborate, and I did. He disappeared and came back, telling me he fixed his Wii remote pad and he ignored the long message I sent him, elaborating on those past suicidal feelings. That's what I am talking about. Just being flat out ignored...

I am wondering if I take things too personally. When people ignore me, I feel unwanted and annoying, as if I am bothering them. I also feel horrible when people make certain jokes with me or tell me certain things or even look at me in a certain way. I am hyper aware of people's movements and expressions and voices. Like, for example, at my externship, one of the supervisors told me I had to sit in on an intake and I was going to carry a notepad to take notes because I did that in the other intakes I sat in on and she just looked at me and said, "Put the notepad away and get ready". You wouldn't imagine but a statement like that really made me sad. It made me feel like I failed at something.

I just take things too personally and I would like to know what I can do to stop that. I always try to rationalize with myself by saying, "They didn't mean it" or "Maybe they're busy and will respond to my text after they've said what they wanted to say" but that does not work, especially when my messages go unanswered.

I hope this all makes sense. I am not in a good headspace in the moment.