My friend's son spoke to me on the phone today. It seems the VA and the family are in general agreement that he should be moved to a nursing home near the family. That is at the opposite end of the country from where my friend and I live. That seems like a drastic solution to me, but maybe I am wrong. If it's what he would want to do, then I would encourage him to go. I really can't tell how he feels about this idea. His reaction was very vague. I think in a few days the proposal will sink in and he may express more of an opinion, one way or another, about what he, himself, wants. If he doesn't want to go, the VA is talking about getting him declared incompetent and forcing him. If that's what the family wants, then that's what the VA will do.

I've worked hard for the past 3 years to enable him to stay in his apartment. He and I are very close, and I would be sad to see him move far away. I feel like the VA and the family are basically punishing me for saying that I need some help with his care. It's like they are all saying to me, "Either you agree to meet all his needs 24/7 with no help from anyone, or he goes in a nursing home." I don't believe those have to be the only two options.

He's become rather passive, and I fear he will get pushed into something he doesn't really want and will end up regretting agreeing to. If he wanted to fight this plan, I would stick up for his right to self-determination. On the other hand, if he actually thinks it's a good idea, then I feel like a fool for doing so much to help him over the past few years.

I always thought that being near me was very important to him. Maybe I mean way less to him than I believed I did. A few days ago, I felt a lot better, mentally. Now I'm feeling pretty low . . . and disregarded.