A lot of that sounds pretty familiar. I'm sorry for what you are going through. I can relate to a lot of the scary stuff you mentioned.

I was worried about telling my therapist that I suspected I had it because I figured self diagnosing might be wrong, but actually he was okay with it, it was a good icebreaker in a way. They want to know whats on your mind, so if that's on your mind, it's okay to talk about it.

I still have trouble figuring out if particular things are excessive or within some realm of normal. It's very subjective.