(((Rose))) it does sound as if he is just mentally declining. I remember after my dad had his stroke, it seemed like my mother kept expecting him to improve, but especially in the last year of his life, in retrospect, you could really see he was slowing down. He was 75 and she was in her early sixties, but there was a huge difference. She still had over twenty good years, but he was done.

If he is not eating unless someone is there, then i agree, that requires a higher level of care. If you even got the flu, that would put him at risk. Maybe he thinks that by not marrying you, he saved you this burden of his end of life care. Who knows. IME, it is extremely difficult to be in a relationship with an alcoholic. Your own needs are low priority. Maybe thats what feels like punishment.