I have considered getting away from the internet, or at least social sites for a while, but I don't last long. I get restless and bored.

If anyone else is willing to read, I wanted to elaborate on last night's revelation and my worries. Specifically, I'm worried that I committed parental abuse - emotional and financial - while I lived at home post-dropout. I lived for free and stole money. I had terrifying outbursts (that my mother outright said made her feel unsafe. To be for they scared me too), and had almost zero sense of boundaries (my mom's favorite mode of punishment is confiscation/deprivation. Since childhood, though, I always had a habit of just going into my mom's room and taking back the item, even if it had been hidden. This continued into young adulthood and several times my mom woke up to me creeping into her room to retrieve my laptop. And yet I felt horribly intruded when she bursts into my room to talk 20 times a day, or now when she would fill my voicemail inbox? I don't deserve boundaries. I never did. I never will. Yet I crave distance and separation and can't function without it). Oh, and this was someone who brought me home to heal me. I should be in prison. I at least deserve a horrible life, just like my mother said I do. Now I'm a burden on the system. My "issues" I always used as an excuse don't matter, since they've only gotten worse.

The one person I've wanted to separate from for years instead is the one person indirectly dictating my entire fate.