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VioletIcicles said:
Who sits there in a room full of people that you are supposed to be friends with and you have never felt so alone in your life?
I take everyone and hold them at arm's length. I just want someone to push their way past. I just want someone to see me. But they never do. No one ever notices me. I don't want to disappear...
No matter how far I go I always end right back at the beginning dealing with the same crap over and over and over again. It's never ending. I'm just so tired of it. I wanna sleep.

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(((((violeticicles)))))
I never erver thought I would meet someone who knew just what I thought, felt and meant when it comes to this stuff. But here you are, and what you have written is exactly what I write about in my diary. I am alone. I know many ppl, but where I live now I have no close friends, no-one I can turn to to hug or ask for help of any sort, and that is because I don't let anyone near me. I want help and support; I just hold everyone at arms length (further actually!).
And when you say you are so tired, you just want to sleep. What I hear is that you are tired of all that you are dealing with, all that you face every day and you just want to sleep til it is all resolved. If that is right then that is what I have been trying to explain to all my t's and drs for the past 10 yrs or more, but no-one understands...
It is tough being surrounded by so many ppl and yet being so alone.
Please PM me to chat if you want, and take care,
xxxirish