Isn't the definition of "gay" being attracted sexually and romantically to the same sex? I'm no expert, but I think if "gay" man is sexually attracted to women that means he is not gay, but bi-sexual. AND if you love your wife and only want to be with her sexually, does that not mean you are hetero? If you have no intentions of being with men and don't want to, are you still gay? (NOT debating born gay, etc). How can you identify as gay but not want to "live" gay? You have not explained well just why it is important for you to be known as gay. (I read about the anxiety. Maybe your anxiety is from wanting to live a different life style than the one you have now)

I'll just say this, It looks to me like you are wanting to ease back into the gay life, but don't want it to affect your family. Perhaps your wife will allow you to have a fling with a man now and then? Well, it probably will affect your family. Your wife may or may not be able to deal with your "coming out".

As I said before you have every right to be happy in your own skin. But you risk losing the life you have now and I would think not everyone in your family or circle of friends is going to see you as they do now. Accepting is not the same as condoning. I wish you the best whatever you choose.