substituting self abuse for the abuse of others is not a solution to feeling abused. the real trick is to stop abusing. stop being abusive to self, and others. there is a nice little recipe for change that i enjoy, it goes like this:

1) decide what needs to change;
2) decide what to change it to;
3) change as much as you can whenever you can;
4) praise yourself for every successful effort to change.

this will get you to a place that is not 'here/now'.
it requires awareness, persistance, and a certain amount of creativity.

best wishes~