Talking isn't good b/c I get irritated with whomever I talk to. Or if people are just talking. I'm paranoid which doesn't help b/c I keep thinking people are talking about me. Or that my roommate snuck in an electronic device because I kept hearing clicking. It was the nurse outside our room working on the computer. Or that the nurses confiscated my chapstick unreasonably. It was under my bed. I'm not really sitting still and doing much right now; this is the best it gets and I'm typing wildly incorrect words and correcting them now.

Yet another dr assured me that clozaril is strong and I think implied I shouldn't feel like this. But 1)paranoia 2) this is a dr my dr tried to get to treat me and didn't answer her email; he vaguely recalled it while talking to me 3) my own dr. knows me best and knows how I respond to meds. I think they are thinking "well 600 mgs is still a good-sized dose" but I haven't been on 600 mgs in 6 years because it doesn't. And my stomach is upset and I'm having some digestive issues which I read widely go with coming off Seroquel but which they aren't familiar with. Which makes sense as they probably don't see many people coming off it. They don't see many or see no private patients and so generally if they take someone off it's not as much as I was on and it is done mostly at home. But it's pretty widely accepted even coming off 200 mg all at once can make you feel sick so coming off 600 mg all at once is not surprisingly unpleasant.

Mostly I'm trying to keep anyone from seeing how irritable I am, especially when I'm irritated at something that has nothing to do with anything. Like that I'm mostly here with younger people who all get along. Last time I was here I was deeply involved with the "in group" and this time I have to put up with it. that's life. and it's ok. I just want to sleep. I actually can lay down for a little bit but not sleep. They increased my hydroxyzine dose though so hopefully my next dose will help more. I'd gone to the lowest possible dose because at home even that was really knocking me out but it is not a match for this agitation.

A little unclear on when my Seroquel is decreased again b/c the dr didn't remember off hand but whatever. I imagine tonight. If it is 100 mg/night then I'll be off it around Wednesday. I truly might get to go home next week after all. Depends on my response to Clozaril; there is a schedule in my medical record for titrating up to 200 mg over I think 5 or 6 days (I lost count when the nurse told me). Well, that would be hitting 200 mg on Wed. the same day I'm done with Seroquel if that guess is right so that makes sense. I'd love to be out of here sooner than anticipated. (obviously .