They know I'm struggling. I haven't told any of my family of the harmful thoughts. I never do. I've never been able to express those feelings to family because I know they'll be too worried. It's taken me a long time to be able to express them to mental health professionals but I can now.

Sigh...I've been laying on the couch since 10:40. I just got up at 1:40 to get my son some lunch and play with him a little bit. It's so hard to play with him but he doesn't have anyone else to play with so I try to do it even in small spurts so he doesn't think I don't like him or something. My mom never played with me and it bothered me for a long time. I don't want to be like this.