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Originally Posted by starryprince
Hello all! I haven't been here in a while because life has gotten quite hectic.
I have always had a problem with taking things a bit too personally. This has been happening since I was a kid but I think it is because my grandma made a lot of insensitive comments and jokes towards me so I grew up being defensive over everything she said and now it is hard for me to not get defensive over a comment or criticism. I very rarely speak up about my feelings but, when I do, it's because things have reached a boiling point.
My irritation tends to escalate when people flat out ignore me. For example, I had a friend and I noticed when we talk, she flat out ignores things I say and continues talking as if I have not said anything. She does not acknowledge what I say. I have had many friends who do this. I spoke up about it today and she got quite offended. I have another friend who would tell me about her relationship woes with her ex-girlfriend but when I spoke about mine I only got a sentence back. She would send me paragraphs about her ex but could not even give me feedback on my relationship problems. (Yes, most of this tends to happen via text message)
Then, again today, I was talking to a friend and mentioned a time where I was having suicidal thoughts (I do not have suicidal ideation anymore). He told me to elaborate, and I did. He disappeared and came back, telling me he fixed his Wii remote pad and he ignored the long message I sent him, elaborating on those past suicidal feelings. That's what I am talking about. Just being flat out ignored...
I am wondering if I take things too personally. When people ignore me, I feel unwanted and annoying, as if I am bothering them. I also feel horrible when people make certain jokes with me or tell me certain things or even look at me in a certain way. I am hyper aware of people's movements and expressions and voices. Like, for example, at my externship, one of the supervisors told me I had to sit in on an intake and I was going to carry a notepad to take notes because I did that in the other intakes I sat in on and she just looked at me and said, "Put the notepad away and get ready". You wouldn't imagine but a statement like that really made me sad. It made me feel like I failed at something.
I just take things too personally and I would like to know what I can do to stop that. I always try to rationalize with myself by saying, "They didn't mean it" or "Maybe they're busy and will respond to my text after they've said what they wanted to say" but that does not work, especially when my messages go unanswered.
I hope this all makes sense. I am not in a good headspace in the moment.  |
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I can relate to a lot of what you wrote! I've had selfish so called friends like that in the past too! I agree with what a couple of the other responses on here. Especially the ones to where two of them stated that your friends suck and that they're selfish. Do they tend to be self absorbed and selfish? It sure sounds like it!
If they can't be there for you, then don't be there for them. It's not about tit for tat, it's about setting boundaries and showing people that you're NOT a pushover! A lot of people will take advantage of you if you let them. You have tried to tell them how their responses bother you, and yet they haven't really tried to show more concern for you. Maybe they want to, but they can't. Only you'll know that for sure since you know them and we don't.
A lot of people feel uncomfortable talking about suicidial feelings. Some people are only fair weather friends. With people like that, it's best to keep things light. They'll be the ones who'll run at the first sign of any problem. Since actions do speak louder than words, ignore their texts and only respond to their long and whiny emails about their selfish it's all about me emails with no response. Then tell them that you've been to busy to respond, but then simply say....sorry that's happening to you, and parrot whatever it was they said back to you in their text and emails.
Maybe then they'll get the message and know what it feels like to be treated like crap. Some people will never treat you the way that you ask them to, so it's best to forget about them and move on, or better yet, make better friends who do care about you and your feelings. Honestly, they sound selfish and self absorbed. Maybe that one girl thought that by trying to invite you over, that it'd help cheer you up. Idk. Like I said, only you know what they're really like most of the time.
Try meeting new people and don't rely on these people for support. They can't offer it to you. Or they don't want to since they have enough of their own problems to deal with. Sometimes when people have a lot of their own problems, they literally can't deal with anyone else's. The fact that one or two of them got mad at you for speaking up is not a good sign. Unless you stated things in an accusatory and insulting way, I don't see why they'd get mad at you for expressing your feelings to them.
Stop being their therapist. Stop wasting your time expecting others to change when they clearly can't or won't. Like I said, make new friends and keep those friends if the good outweighs the bad for light hearted conversation and activities. I looked at your profile, and you're still pretty young, and unfortunatly, a lot of young people tend to be self absorbed. Maybe you'd be better making friends who are a little older and more mature than you are, idk. Good luck with everything.