i asked my T today how to put a filter on my brain. for the memories. he said something about compartmentalizing things in order to function. i told him i wonder how former T deals with it. my therapist said he doesnt care how he deals with it. i said i wonder what he thinks about it. T said im more concerned with what you think about you. i said... i wonder if he feels bad for what happened, and if he understands why i told. i didnt really like my T saying he didnt care. because i care. i care what former T thinks about it. i care whether he feels bad or if he understands why i did what i did. i almost feel some sort of empathy for my former T right now... in group today the members were telling me that it wasnt my fault , etc... that i did those things because of the position i was in.. vulnerable... added onto previous things that have happened in my life. that i didnt do anything wrong. i cant understand how that applies to me and not my former T. how he is the monster and im this blameless victim. i dont see it like that. i feel so confused about everything...my feelings about everything. one minute i want my former T dead, the next i feel sorry for him. one member of my group said, some people are just sociopaths. i said but that comes from something ,too, right? some past hurt or pain, trauma, whatever. im not sure if i make sense right now. i am very emotional and hurting so much