I'm all set up to start treatment, it's up to me to make an appointment. The ECT dr said I could take as much time as I need to make the decision. So I guess I just have to decide. I'm waiting to see what my pnurse says about emsam. She said she had to find out more about it from one of the psychiatrists in the building. She mentioned ketamine infusions but I don't feel like there's been enough research on that off label use of ketamine yet. That scares me. So it's either I go with ECT which I know will work or I wait to see if maybe emsam will work. We would be starting with bilateral treatments so it shouldn't take as many treatments to get me out of this because I'm not wasting time with unilateral which I know doesn't work for me. But the bilateral is what really messes up your memory. I also didn't want to miss that much work. I was hoping to be back by March but with ECT I could be out for three months again.

But I know it will work. So...yeah.

I did make it through the day. Even played with my son for a whole hour - because we were playing fire trucks and I could lay on the floor, but still. He didn't know that I had to be horizontal. I even went grocery shopping the day before Super Bowl Sunday. Bought a **** ton of unhealthy food but I'm just not able to focus on eating well at the moment, even though it might make me feel better. Just not something I can handle right now. Maybe soon.

Thanks for checking in.