I always called my step dad, whom started and raised me along with my mother in a cult from age 6; my "first love" starting at age 12. It was the only time I felt touch that didnt hurt. I still call him that at now age 34. Its very confusing. He had me beliving he was going to marry me and stuff. Very confusing! Blame has just recently shift from me where it has always been including for the 7 yrs ive been in therapy, to them but its still confusing.