Dear T,

Therapy is hard. It gets really exhausting feeling so much and so deeply. I appreciate and love the support you provide. But I'm constantly grieving the fact that you can't just make it all disappear. You can't love me the way I needed to be loved as a little girl. It hurts to hear you talk about your kids and how involved you are with them. I'm sure you're not a perfect father, but at least it seems like you care about what they are interested in and support what they do. What would it have been like if you were my dad when I was 13? What would it have been like to have a parent who was really interested in me? What would it have been like to feel like I mattered?

I miss you. Really really miss you. Even if you can't do anything but sit across from me with your calm spirit. I still miss you.