This may sound weird to some but I have always held grudges against my whole family,when I should actually apreciate what they have done for both me and my kids.It's a long story so I'll cut it short and just give my reviews...
I believe that they cannot look past the past because no matter how hard I try to connect,things are /were always thrown in my face.I couldn't deal with it and left,physically,emotionally and mentally.Boy,this is harder than I thought,facing the truth that is...
For the most my kids,3 of them,do not know me as mom.I haven't been there for them,yes I admit,for most their lives and the ages range from 9-18.I have tried,not as hard as I should have I suppose and given up because I never fully understood what was my problem,still don't but am now working on things with the help of A-D's,a Psyc and this site.According to my doc this could have been going on for years and just getting worse,to the point where I don't actually know left from right in many areas of my life...
In the past,I have reached out and been rejected,ignored and pushed/chased away.What hurt the most was that I went into it whole heartedly and I know that it's hard to trust again after that person has let you down so many times but atleast I have been trying.No-one reaches back,they're either too busy or cannot forgive,move on and still holding grudges,my view because that is exactly how it feels when they talk and the way it comes out...
I have always craved something,I know that I haven't made many of the right choices in life ad I am suffering for them!I want to feel loved and accepted,I want to be part of my family,I want to get to know my kids and spend time with them.Why sometimes give me false hope?Are they just paying me back?!My question is,after all you've read is:
I am only starting to learn a little about myself and am just about learning to recognise and accept some of my faults.I would like to reach out again,been on my A-D's for only 4 months.According to my doc he thinks that I have Bipolar.Is this wise or should I wait till I am stronger and had more therapy?
Or is that just an excuse?
Stormy