It's interesting how you called this "control". You can't control people's feelings. You can't control relationships, and if you try, it will make people run from you.

There's a song: "Hold on loosely and don't let go, If you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control".

P.S. The hurt of the rejection of ones I loved who didn't love me deeply hurts and is very hard to get over. I think I really have an issue with it because of my relationship with my father, who died when I was 12. But it does not stop me from loving with all my heart and allowing myself to get hurt (and I have been hurt). I let those people go graciously, but hurt about it. That's OK. Hurting and loving and living is better than nothing.