Hello, I'm 40 years old. I have this sexual disorientation that I'm homosexual. Nobody around me knows about it. Though I never wanted to be a gay and have always tried to get rid of it. I always felt bad about it and though occasionally I had sex, I never had been in a relationship. Partly because this is something that is not acceptable in my society but mostly because I think of having my kids and family. A year ago I lost my mother, who was almost everything to me and after her death I felt very alone and depressed.

As a solution I thought to give a try to be in a relationship and got married. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a disaster. we just couldn't spend even few months together. Sex was always been problem for me with her though I was caring and tried to make up for this deficiency of mine in other ways, it didn't work. We are separated now. I feel so sorry about myself.

I'm a pre-diabetic now and extremely depressed with the failure. I thought things might work out they didn't. Everyday seems like there is nothing left for me to do and probably the life should end. I'm not suicidal because I do not think that committing that would be any solution. At my age now, I feel extremely lonely. Everyone around me is married or have someone, but I have no one. I have been living alone for a long time but now it all seems so unbearable. My father lives in other town. We had not been kind of friendly with each other. Though I sometimes think of him. and think that if I start living with him that might help me tackle this depression a bit.

I'm totally clueless about my future, if there is any. Please do not say that I will always be a gay because I really want to be a straight and I really want to have a family. Help me out please.