jinnyann - I have been abused and after years and years of desperately wishing to have my abuser just step off a sidewalk in front of my car, I finally came to the conclusion that the only person who was being affected by those feelings was me - he was oblivious - as evidenced by the fact that years later he tried to get in contact with me through relatives because he wanted to "be friends" and he was "willing" to acknowledge that he made some "poor decisions." Needless to say, I told my relatives to tell him that I had just gotten over having a very strong desire and willingness to run him over and that he should not push his luck. I declined to have any contact with him. I understand he was "hurt." Oh well. So, I do not know if that is actually forgiveness so much as it was just realizing that, for me, if I continued to constantly wish I could do something terrible to get him back, then I was just hurting me by those intense negative feelings and allowing him to still have a level of control over my life and emotions. So I am not sure it is really fair to assume that just because someone else is advocating for forgiveness that they could not have been abused - that belittles their experiences and their pain - something I know you would not want to do. What it says to me is that they have taken a path on their journey to healing that is best for them - a path others like yourself may not choose to take but a path that they have found and chosen and a path that works for them. Take care (((jinnyann))).