Yeah I know ketamine can be used recreationally and can be addictive so it's not something I'm down with trying, even if the addiction risk supposedly isn't there with controlled use. I wouldn't trust it.

My son is five, hashi. I live with my mom and she will help but treatments are done mon wed and fri and she works till seven two of those nights. So it will be hard. I remember being pretty recovered just a few hours later so it shouldn't be that bad but still.

My mom came downstairs to see me flopped on the couch wrapped in a blanket and she said she thinks I should do the ECT. She said I shouldn't let myself hit rock bottom if I can a avoid it - I guess I haven't been totally forthcoming with her because there are a lot of rocks down here on the bottom I'm at right now.

Though I did have a good time playing games with my family tonight. I was able to forget about my dumb **** for a few hours. It was nice.