i am thinking of quitting therapy altogether.

My T lied. He said he would never do anything deliberately to produce anxiety, but he changed the rules. He made a choice "in my best interests." i don't know what to feel or think. i don't know who he is, where i am... i don't know anything. He was supposed to be my reference point that i could count on... when nothing else is reliable.

i feel sick. My world is too fragile for him to not be solid.

i have no one now.

feel abandoned and rejected. can't believe in him. i feel so guilty. it was good and i ruined it.

there is comfort in one thing.. one thing which makes it all real and makes me forget the searing pain in my heart.... that jagged blade calls my name and it tells me it will always be there. i can always count on turning to that to make everything else go away.