I was doing alright on Effexor, but there's a chance its causing me to have seizures so I'm going off it. And that means not being on an anti-depressant at all. This isn't going so well. And I'm still having seizure symptoms.

Between my neurological issues and my mental health issues, I just feel like I'm f***ed. Emotionally I've been unstable. And my last therapist and current therapist haven't taught me how to deal with these mood swings. I mean, I'm Borderline. And no one has taught me how to cope with this stuff. If I have to reschedule one more time, I think I might lose it on them. All I want is one session to address coping with these symptoms.

I don't know if its my neurological issues, but I've pretty much been exhausted for a while. I'm now doing 8 hour shifts. Last night I had nightmares, woke up exhausted and in tears. Went to work for 8 hours and the shift was insane. I can barely move right now I am so exhausted. My back hurts, though I'm finally in physical therapy.

My medical issues are getting to me. I'm tired of having to frequently go into the back office, close the door, have my seizures, then get up and go back out to sell shoes. It gets tiring, especially if they're really bad. Sometimes people walk in and its so embarrassing. They're like, "What are you doing?" And I can't really speak, I'm convulsing, rocking and shaking. I walk around terrified I'm going to collapse and go into a grand mal seizure. All this has put me in a bad mood. A lot. All the time. I don't know if its epilepsy or a brain tumor. I don't know. I'm scared. It stresses me out and I have to pretend that it doesn't so I can function. So I guess its not really chemical...its situational...? I don't know. Just really tired of life. I don't remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I recently spent a month in a depressive state. That was worse than this, but I could see myself going back into a deep depressive state.

I don't have the energy to do my hobbies. Lately I haven't even wanted to talk to friends...I don't have the energy for that either. And I'm sure they don't want to hear me complain everyday.