I'm writing this post to ask for advice on starting up with a new therapist, likely through my campus' counseling program. I've found in the past that I struggle a lot with opening up, sharing my issues... Like really struggle. I've spent way too many sessions with my previous T working stuff out in my head, not able to voice anything, completely silent. Then, falling out of therapy a few months later cause I couldn't allow myself to get the help I need...

I've been having trouble with unresolved grief after losing my mom, and relationship issues with my father who has really hurt me with his actions since her death.
I've been working to recover from self harm, which I was miraculously able to share with my previous T. I've also had days of suicidal thinking in the not-too-distant past which I have never been able to disclose to anyone. No matter how much the thoughts scare me, I can't admit to having them. After living in a very invalidating environment for three years, I've gotten too good at hiding and stuffing my feelings to protect myself...except now they're slowly poisoning me, and I need help.

I'm just not sure how to disclose these things to a new therapist, or how best to start out with a new therapist, when I've had such poor luck in my other attempts to get this stuff out of my head...

Any advice or stories of how to start out on the right foot and do the initial disclosures with a new T, when I can't disclose to someone I've worked with for a year? (If I don't do it right away, I probably never will disclose what I need to)