Quote:
Originally Posted by orenishii
Hi everyone,
I've been suicidal my entire life. The thought of it is always in the back of my mind; it just resurfaces more strongly sometimes. Right now is one of those times.
I'm perfectly rational. When discussing the subject with friends, I can do it clearly, succinctly and with reason. I'm not in any more pain than I think an average person experiences; I just have an urge to end my life. Tired of being here.
Truthfully, I've been hanging on for others...you know that whole thing about "hurting loved ones" and "being selfish." This is my life, though! I didn't have a choice in how it began. Why can't I decide when/how it ends?
At this point, I feel like I'm just postponing the inevitable. Ever felt like this? If you really want to die, why are you still here?
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Hello orenishii: Yes... I tell myself I wish I would die every day... multiple times a day. Periodically I have the urge to take some positive steps in that direction. I've tried to end it all twice before. I say I'm hanging on for my wife. She doesn't have anyone else. And while that's true... it's also true that I don't currently have easy access to an easy way out & I'm too cowardly to do something violent. So I just keep plodding on day-after-day... I wish there were an alternative. But there's not...
