Oh...I should have mentioned but I am already seeing a neurologist, but just started doing the exams. I ended up in the ER one day when they got worse, and a few days later I was setting up the EEG testing. The neurologist isn't entirely sure if they are seizures yet...though...um...they fit the description of one. Waiting on the results from the EEG and getting an MRI on Tuesday before work. So relax. All of you. I'm getting treatment, I promise. :] I let this go too long as it was. It started out with random dizzy spells, progressed to me stopping and staring in space unable to do anything or speak with hand movement. Now I'm shaking and rocking, sometimes both arms, sometimes one. They vary in intensity. The LamICTal I'm on helps with seizures, and the neurologist told me to take a half tablet in addition to the whole tablet I was taking. This seems to help a bit, the episodes are not as severe.

As for work...I'm not working enough to pay my bills. But getting through a day having multiple episodes during my shift is exhausting. Something about the florescent lighting seems to make them worse. I am being moved from the footwear department because I can't climb ladders. And no I'm not driving either. Sometimes when I'm working, and the episodes start to come on, I just forget what I'm doing and get very disoriented and start to wander around. Until I recall my boss telling me the designated place to sit down. It's like wired in me now to go there. Like being on autopilot.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to go to work at all right now. Because all of this takes a lot out of me. Its humiliating when the episodes happen in front of co-workers. I get very tired after they occur, but have to put on a smile, go out and pretend everything is hunky dory when I just want to go to the camping department, climb on a mojo cot and take a nap. But I can't afford to not work, I can't pay all my bills as is. So I just suck it up and try to do my best. Hoping I won't get fired. The managers know what's going on and have been very understanding so far.

I try to get at least 8 hours of sleep. But chances are I'm having these episodes while I'm sleeping too. Most of the time I wake up tired. On days off I can barely drag myself out of bed after 8 hours, sometimes sleeping for 10 and even then I'm still tired. So yes. Probably a lot to do with stress. There are things I can't control right now, besides my body movements, and it really stresses me out because I don't know what to do to make everything better.

Besides dealing with these seizure symptoms, my fluctuating emotional state is the second major problem. I'm on an emotional roller coaster most of the time. I really need to learn how to control these emotions and mood swings. The instability is dangerous.