"I am sorry , but it my way to see it in print so it becomes real to me"

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PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS ... PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS ...

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if for some ungodly reason you read this no responses please I will not be reading them ...


when your life experience , schooling and all you are no longer believes in a spiritual answer ...

when due to childhood neglect you have no hope of ever connecting with your emotions except sad and anger ...

when the meds , depression or just life has prevented you from any sexual desire , much less comfort , for three years ...

when your wife of 33 years resents being asked to just cuddle ...

when your pdoc refuses to even consider an ad ...

when your pdoc starts not responding to your messages ...

when xanex is all that keeps your guts from being in a knot ...

when getting good sleep is a fairy tail you have given up on ever coming true ...

when being alone is your main desire ...

when there is "nothing" you give a single care about ...

when every movie brings tears and tv shows cause fear and nightmares ...

when due to deathly dreams you are afraid to take your rx sleep aide ...

when one benadryl becomes two , becomes three ...

when you are consumed with a "painless way" ...

when your honestly wondering if the rear wheels of a semi would be quick enough to be painless ...

when your crying over writing this letter at 3:30 in the morning ...

when you know you have no friends to miss you ...

when pc seems pointless ....

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when your last thread your holding on to , my little "korean daughter " , becomes frayed and breaking ...

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I am sorry but I needed to write this to make it thru tonight ...