I have been having these thoughts daily for the last few weeks and it's very new to me. Whereas before it might cross my mind but then I'd shut it down completely these days I actually think about what would happen if I wasn't here.

I don't specifically think of a way to do it, I just think that all these feelings would just go away if I wasn't here to have them. My daughter keeps me from doing anything silly but some days I have the idea that that she would be better off without me. Those days are scary. But somehow we manage to get through one day, and then another and another.

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